On Venusian Cloud Colony Number Nine: Chapter 5 Scene 3

Despite my best efforts, I cannot write this scene to a satisfying degree.

Therefore, the ‘cop-out card’ is being played.

When this is enacted, the author provides a synopsis of the scene being skipped.  The scene may be returned to at any time.

On Venusian Cloud Colony Number Nine:  Chapter 5 Scene 3

Barney’s aunty, Djuli, dies in hospital after he visits her.  She said that her dying wish was to see Barney, both as a beloved family member and as someone who has visited the goddess Barnumbirr.

His aunty is given the full Yolngu funeral, with tribes from all over Arnhem Land coming to pay their respects.  The ceremony starts at sunset, continuing until sunrise and the appearance of the Morning Star.  Its appearance allows the tribes to communicate with their deceased family, sending their love and their memories to them.

Catching up on sleep during the day, Barney is awoken by a panicked phone call.  It is Léana, his Irish companion from the Venusian Colonies.  Something unbelievable has happened, and she must come and see him.

Barney spends the next two days wondering why she would fly over 9000 miles (just under 14,500 kilometres) to see him…

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8 responses

  1. I had to do the same thing many times when writing my stories. I skipped around a bit and just did the easier stuff, then tried my darnedest to fill in the hard parts. I’m still not satisfied with how I plugged up the holes in one of my comics. I still must fix it in the future. But, I don’t want to.

  2. While I know nothing about Yolngu burial rites (and would therefore like to know more), I have lost important people in my life (as I’m sure have you, whether to death, distance, or estrangement) and I know that the experience of loss, regardless of which kind of the three main kinds of loss it is, remains somewhat the same. Maybe instead of regarding this scene as one piece which has to be written en bloc, you could cobble it together from pieces: first, a personal section which brings us close to the experience of loss of a close friend or relative (establishing in a small compass some of the personality characteristics you want the aunty to have without making her a stereotype). Then, the second part of the scene could be a well-researched and more impartial description of the burial rites of the Yolngu for those of us who know nothing of them. Then, enabling a transition to the next scene from this one, your part about Leana (I knew you were up to something with her!). I hope this seems useful and not just intrusive as a suggestion.

    1. Thank you for your suggestion. I do my best to consider all the feedback I receive, and apply it when I can do justice to the suggestion.

      The Yolngu burial rites are very elaborate, and the societal aspects are crucial to them. The last thing I would want to do is disrespect their time-honoured traditions via misrepresentation =)

  3. Maybe the way to approach it is to have Barney be aware that his aunt is dying before the previous scene. Maybe feed it in there for a while. Then she can die and you can skip the funeral ceremony and move straight on to Leana. It’s an awful lot to happen in one scene; I can see where you may have had trouble with it. By minimising the new information you may find a way to tackle it.

      1. I should probably stop inundating you with it this afternoon ^_^

      2. All feedback is appreciated; the perspective from ‘fresh eyes’ is invaluable =D

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