200 words…

Challenge accepted, Ms Malchien =)

– Fr –

The black-clad form stalked through one of the many narrow labyrinthine passages, highly alert to his surroundings.

“Sonny!  Come in!”

The crackle of static interfering with his earpiece, Sonny Murdoch barely heard the transmission.

“Can just hear you, Franky.”

“The satellites can’t pierce the darkness.  Your sonar bringing up anything?”

A ripple of sound pushed out from him as he ran fingers along the smooth rock around him.  He stood still, letting the returning waves of sound wash over him.  Born blind, he had had the good fortune of an inventor father. The device had given his son some sense of the world around him, in the absence of other stimuli.

“Nothing yet.  The Plunderers know how to hide their goods, and themselves, well.”

A huff crackled through the earpiece.  “Ain’t that the truth.  All the Academy’s intel says that there’s a trove down there.”

“The thieving sods were smart enough to have only one clearing on the whole planet, where they could land their vessels and hide their ill-gotten gains.”

“Stay on your toes, Sonny.  They don’t show mercy.”

“That’s good.  Neither do I.”

A returning wave of sound indicated a figure was approaching him from behind.

Game on.


4 responses

  1. Just what was the challenge, to see how well you could tantalize your readers, in 200 words or less? I’d say you succeeded, DJ, and more, this story begs to be finished!

    1. In essence, yes the challenge was a 200 word hook.

      The blurb (also called the Word filename) is ‘Riddick meets Daredevil meets Metroid’. Two sci-fi’s with one urban superhero =)

      Thank you for the compliment =)

  2. Yes, like shadowoperator said, you could certainly do more with this. I’d never be good at writing something in 200 words. I’m always too long-winded.

    1. Greetings Pato!

      Yes, it is hard to keep it short and sweet. Maybe spin it into a halloween story, and get Sonny to uncover some scary stuff =)

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